After the Worst Has Happened
John 20:19-31
19 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors were locked where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”
24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin[a]), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” 28 Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”
30 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples that are not written in this book. 31 But these are written so that you may continue[b] to believe that Jesus is the Messiah,[c] the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
Can you think of the worst thing that has ever happened to you so far? Maybe the most devastating loss you’ve suffered. Afterward, you’re in shock. You’re numb after that first day of relentless tears. Things you took for granted suddenly vanished. Plans you had. Retirement. Everything in you has been depleted, sucked out of you. You can’t imagine ever feeling anything good ever again.
The disciples have no right at all to judge Thomas, nor do we. It’s the end of the same day that the women went to the tomb before dawn and saw it empty. They claim they spoke to angels. Uh-huh. They told the 11, which would have included Thomas, because the only one missing from the 12 was Judas. Thomas would have been there when the women came bursting into the men’s hideout saying that Jesus was alive.
I bet they laughed. Yeah, right. And I’m John the Baptist back from the grave… one of them said slapping his nearest companion on the arm. Look, no head!
The eleven didn’t believe the women. They thought it was another “idle tale,” wishful thinking on the part of these emotional women. Maybe Bartholomew got up from where he was reclining and put hands on Mary’s arms and said, “We miss him, too, Mary. But he’s dead. They killed him. There’s no coming back from crucifixion.” Then he might have turned around and held out his arms to the others with the unspoken well, I tried.
Peter was quiet, probably. He’d run to the tomb to look for himself. True the body wasn’t there. The bloody, dusty wrappings were piled on the stone slab. But he sure didn’t see any angels or glowing men. He didn’t know what to believe. He just stayed in his corner and kept his head down.
It was evening now. They were hiding out because they were afraid. They took no risks. If they killed Jesus, surely people would be more than willing to get rid of anyone who followed him. Anyone that was seen with him. So they hid out in a small room. Maybe they asked the women to go out and get food. They weren’t going out there. That meant the fishermen didn’t go fishing and the tax collector didn’t collect taxes. What do they do now? I bet they wondered. The future was completely uncertain.
They were terrified.
I imagine the women were there with them that night, still trying to convince them. But he said…
As they were arguing, Jesus appeared. They could have sworn that door was locked. they looked at him, then looked at each other. Were they seeing what I’m seeing? each of them might have thought. Nobody hugged him. Nobody came near him. They just stared. The women were laughing with joy, I bet.
“Peace,” he said to them. “Peace be with you,” a normal greeting among the Jews. They didn’t speak. As they stared, he showed them his hands, held up one of his feet to show the brutal scars that were now healed beyond what a couple of days would normally do. He pulled back his robe to show the scar in his side.
You could hear the gasps in the room. Oh my God…
Yes.
“Receive the Holy Spirit,” he said, and breathed on them. It was like a gentle breeze wafted through the room, despite doors and windows being tightly shut. There might have been a sweet, soothing smell on that breath. The weariness left their aching bones. The sleepless nights were in the past, they felt strangely awake. Rested Weirdly restored. “I’m sending you out there now, just like the Father sent me. Forgive,” he said, “Forgive.”
And he was gone. Wha….? Wait!! Was he coming back?
I don’t know where Thomas went. He was there that morning when the women told their story, but for some reason he was out when Jesus stopped by. Talk about bad timing. He was out there roaming the streets in broad daylight, seemingly not caring about the Roman soldiers that could be looking for him. Surely they wanted to put down any threat from this Jesus guy, and get rid of those who followed him. But Thomas didn’t seem to be afraid.
When he got back that night, maybe with food (they had to eat, right?), they all told him excitedly, interrupting each other, “Jesus was here!” I bet he burst out laughing.
“You too, huh? At least the women don’t claim to have seen a dead man walking. No, I’m not going to believe it till I see it myself.”
Thus the name he acquired 2,000 years ago: Doubting Thomas.
Why not Doubting James? Doubting John? Doubting Matthew? They didn’t believe either until they saw Jesus. According to Luke, the women believed without seeing Jesus for themselves. I think Thomas has gotten a bad rap from history. Next time someone doubts me, I’ll call them a Doubting Bartholomew.
Then a whole week went by. What did they do for a whole week? I bet they second- guessed what they experienced. They had too much time to think about it. You know how the mind works. Did that really happen? I must have been tired. Your mind is a dangerous place to hang out by yourself. It can play tricks on you. Conjuring up all kinds of explanations. It can kill hope.
And yet, they felt… stronger somehow. More courageous. Maybe they ventured out into the streets, no longer afraid of the soldiers on patrol. Waving at them good-naturedly, evoking stares from strangers who’d seen them with Jesus.
There’s no evidence they told anyone else that week what they experienced. They didn’t want to look like fools. Maybe they didn’t talk about it. What could they say? What could they possibly say?
They were back at the place where they were all staying together. No one had dared go back to their old lives, as if nothing had happened. And he did it again. Just when they were sure he was never coming back, he appeared.
“Peace be with you,” he said smiling at their astonishment. He looked directly at Thomas. “Come here, Thomas. Touch my hands and my feet, feel the wound in my side.”
Poor Thomas fell on his knees and said, “Oh my God!”
Yes.
Jesus said, “do you believe because you have seen? Blessed are those who believe and who have not seen.” I don’t think he was scolding Thomas. After all, he came and invited him to touch him.
Again we’re left to our imagination about what all Jesus did for the next 40 days that he hung out with them. As if nothing earth-shattering and traumatizing had happened. As if their hearts and souls hadn’t been shattered, feeling like their bodies had been turned inside out. And life for all of them felt over. Enemies had won. Evil had won. How could they live in a world like that? I bet they’d wondered for a while.
And after the world was turned upside down and shaken out, it turned rightside up again. Nothing was the same. But it says that Jesus did a lot of wonderful things witnessed by his dumbstruck disciples, too many things to be contained in the book. All we can do is imagine.
Which is utterly maddening! I want something concrete. How can we not doubt in the world we live in? Especially when right now everything as we’ve known it is being challenged by people with their own selfish interests in mind. Just because they have money and power to do it. Nobody seems in charge. Some days it feels like it’s utterly helpless and everything we’ve built here for 250 years is being destroyed.
Many people say that if there is a God, then why all the suffering? Why the holocausts and massacres and natural disasters? I’m not judging those who don’t believe in anything other than what they see and know to be true. I can’t blame them. There are days I wonder… what if? What if this is all there is? What if there is no hope? What if no one has a plan and we’re all vulnerable to the whims of nature and of the evil of fascist leaders? What if we are in fact abandoned?
I can’t stay there long. I’ve experienced too much. I’ve seen lives changed, turned around, healed. I’ve seen the weak get strong. I’ve seen kindness. Heroism. I’ve seen God at work in my own life and in the lives of people I love. I’ve experienced things and heard stories of things that just don’t make sense if this is all there is. And I’ve lived with, wrestled with, argued with, been blessed by The Story since I came out of the womb. Even on my worst days, even when things happened that I thought surely God wouldn’t allow to happen— deep down I knew. The Story isn’t over yet. Not mine, not yours, nor that of the world.
I have to hope. If I don’t, the alternative is too much to bear. None of us have seen Jesus in the flesh, obviously, or touched his scars. None of us have sat at table with him and eaten of the bread that he broke. And yet here we are. Unsure of what will be asked of us in these scary times, and wondering if we’ll be up to whatever we feel led to do to embody hope and to spread it.
But we’re not alone. We have others who live the Story too, who get our craziness. Who keep on keeping on with us. Who may sometimes remind us of why we ever did believe in the first believe. Sometimes I doubt, and I don’t think God blames we one bit. Legend has it that Thomas went off to what is now India and built the Church there, got the Movement going there. The Christian Church in India claims Thomas as its founder 2,000 years ago. God has done some wild things in my life, too, and I imagine will again.
And I trust in this Easter season, that if we stay awake and keep our eyes open and are willing to give God the benefit of the doubt, we’ll see great things happen. Because beyond all the theological details, just know this. Evil never wins. Love. Love always wins.
We’re on the winning side.
Peace be with you.